The update and the great debate

I got the call from the nurse yesterday and yes she was cheery and nice. She explained that we would have to go a few more days on the Gonal F to help my levels rise but that the lining is indeed fine and I have no need to worry about that. I go in tomorrow morning to see Dr. Stonehenge for another scan and then of course to the lab for another blood draw to double check everything, but it looks very much like we'll trigger tomorrow night.

After the trigger I need to wait six days for the transfer of the embryos because they're six day blasts. So on the day I trigger I call the lab to tell them I'm nearly ready and they begin the thaw process. I have no idea what the thaw process is but my mind is running amuck with images of a rusty old freezer with surfing stickers stuck all over it and clingy plastic wrapped around aluminum pie tins. I would love a little tour to see the technical end of all of this in person. It all seems so bizarre to me. Freezing future people. Weird.

I did a video update but it's not that interesting. It's odd but I get a lot of funny e-mails from people who watch my You Tube videos, random people not ttc people. They seem to spend a lot of time trying to convince me not to donate my embryos to stem cell research. It's a hot topic these days.

Don't sweat it folks. I'm very possessive of my two little guys. Nobody gets them but me. There's hardly enough to go around anyway.

One person wrote me and asked what I would do if I had about fifty embryos instead of just the two. My response was, well after donating about half of them to my various friends and using another part myself, I really don't know what I'd do with the rest. I do feel attached to them, naturally but I'm not so radical as to think they are little people until they are actually inside of me and connected to my body. But I have strong feelings about the fact that they have the potential to be little people.

I was talking to a friend recently about donor eggs, a subject which she's becoming an expert on, and she said that in her opinion and apparently her doctor's opinion, the people who donate eggs don't really see themselves as actually donating their DNA for reproduction. They just treat the whole egg donation process as casually as one would treat donating blood or sperm. The majority aren't really alert to the fact that there will be a little Jennifer or Melissa running around who has their eyes, nose and smile. I think unless you do IVF or are emotionally invested in reproductive medicine, you don't see these embryos as eventual people. It's completely normal to forget about that too (...a very large check can make you forget a lot of things).

I am torn on the issue. I think the fact that I'm torn means that I'm really thinking about it and not just jumping on one or the other bandwagon. It means I see both sides, right? I definitely see the need for research and I really feel for the people that this sort of research can help. I know it can do a lot of good for people suffering in pain and may eventually save lives. Like I said I'm not radically attached to my embryos, well maybe a little, okay well maybe a lot. But I definitely don't see them as adoptive children needing homes. I am still emotionally invested in them though. That you can be sure of. I wouldn't want them being destroyed or dissected.* So I guess my early conclusion is that I'm against it for me. But I'm not against allowing others to do it. Does that make sense?

This is a very difficult issue. Who would have thought humanity would ever have to debate such a thing?


*or dropped from the freezer by a clumsy French lab tech