Saturday, October 28, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
Video diary - "my first scan"
I should have posted this two days ago but finally here I've finished it and Blogger is cooperating. The news is a little old.
I already have another video to add to this so I'll probably put that one up soon.
I already have another video to add to this so I'll probably put that one up soon.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
A fully stocked freezer would be nice
I saw Dr. Stonehenge today for my little scan to see if the follicles are all sitting nicely and playing together well, not pushing to get ahead of anyone or any bullying at the playground. It seems like everything is okay from what I saw. All the follicles are measuring between 5-7mm, sitting pretty and waiting for their call to duty. Dr. Stonehenge is a man of few words so it was hard to say but I think everything is going well from what I could glean from him and from my many years of past experience with this sort of thing.
When I came into his office this morning and after our greeting each other I gave him the rundown, "it's day 14 of Décapyptyl, everything's going well so far...no major snafus!" I think I probably threw him off kilter from his usual speech because he responded with "don't you have any frozen embryos?" I just gave him a blank stare and then shook my head no. What kind of question was that? Of course a million curt comebacks ran through my head as I lay waiting in the dim romantic ambiance of the sonogram room.
I talked with a friend about this recently because she has the same set of doctors, this bee-zar phenomenon of French infertility doctors not sharing loads of information with their patients, and of the patients sitting back and complacently accepting the ignorance. We talked about French spouses and how they kind of want us to go with the flow and how this is probably part of the norm here, or so it seems. It's something I don't accept and never will. It gets me in lots of little tussles, but it usually gets excused by the fact that I am after all "l'americaine" and I have to know now don't I. Yes, I do. It's my body and it's my right. It's also my habit. I'm sorry if that bugs the caretakers in this country.
***
Of course I had no frozens and was well aware of it, of course I know my protocol before he even asks me, of course I call the drugs by name and know my cycle day, and of course the fact that my follicles are measuring on target puts me at ease even if he doesn't feel the need to share it with me.
I'm still laughing though. Does he really think I'd have been stupid enough to come in for a suppression scan if I were doing a frozen cycle? Does this actually happen from time to time? I really hope not but the fact that he asks makes me feel like it probably does happen.
When I came into his office this morning and after our greeting each other I gave him the rundown, "it's day 14 of Décapyptyl, everything's going well so far...no major snafus!" I think I probably threw him off kilter from his usual speech because he responded with "don't you have any frozen embryos?" I just gave him a blank stare and then shook my head no. What kind of question was that? Of course a million curt comebacks ran through my head as I lay waiting in the dim romantic ambiance of the sonogram room.
"Yeah, we just wanted to do another cycle of injections for old time's sake doc. Humor me and do the scan..."
"Frozen Schmozen we're all natural. No way we'd accept frozen! Get out of here!"
"You mean they can FREEZE them?"
"poor wittle cold baby...awww"
"Umm...somebody forgot to plug...the unit...back...in. They all THAWED!" *sob*
"I just wanted to see you again. I'm madly in love with you Doctor Stonehenge! For god's sake don't tell my husband!" *runs at doctor with flailing arms*
"Oh f*ck I totally forgot. Where IS my head these days!"
"Jeez nobody tells me nothin' no more! I bet they called you first and told you. I AM always the last to know..."
I talked with a friend about this recently because she has the same set of doctors, this bee-zar phenomenon of French infertility doctors not sharing loads of information with their patients, and of the patients sitting back and complacently accepting the ignorance. We talked about French spouses and how they kind of want us to go with the flow and how this is probably part of the norm here, or so it seems. It's something I don't accept and never will. It gets me in lots of little tussles, but it usually gets excused by the fact that I am after all "l'americaine" and I have to know now don't I. Yes, I do. It's my body and it's my right. It's also my habit. I'm sorry if that bugs the caretakers in this country.
Of course I had no frozens and was well aware of it, of course I know my protocol before he even asks me, of course I call the drugs by name and know my cycle day, and of course the fact that my follicles are measuring on target puts me at ease even if he doesn't feel the need to share it with me.
I'm still laughing though. Does he really think I'd have been stupid enough to come in for a suppression scan if I were doing a frozen cycle? Does this actually happen from time to time? I really hope not but the fact that he asks makes me feel like it probably does happen.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Video diary - "Planning the future"
There is no hope for the hair but here is the latest update anyway.
Remember that if you click on the YouTube icon in the bottom right corner you can have a scaled up version of the video.
Remember that if you click on the YouTube icon in the bottom right corner you can have a scaled up version of the video.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Sharing
The in laws are here and we really didn't want to tell them about the IVF, or at least I didn't want to tell them about it. Seb doesn't really mind if they know, but then he doesn't resent the probing as much as I do. I don't even tell my own mother about the IVF's and I like to keep a low profile during the whole procedure, at least where real life friends and family are concerned.
The last few times we've done ART crap Seb's parents have tended to hang on to each event like it's a really good soap opera that they're dying to see the last episode of. I know from experience that they share details about our personal lives with friends and family and I hate that our news is travelling in circles of people we will one day come across at a wedding or Christmas meal where I'll be the focus of a sympathetic aunt or the fodder for comparison between a cousin who couldn't have a baby for a whole year but finally gave birth because she just relaxed and stopped worrying. Probably the worst thing is that they tend to call a lot with the probing demand of "soooooo...what's the news?" and when the news is bad, we really don't want to share it. When the news is good we don't want to share it either because we know they'll all say "oh that's great!" and it makes me nervous to hear people becoming overly excited about what we see as a fragile success in the venture, and to be honest I feel like it jinxes the whole thing worse than if we'd gone out and bought a lace covered baby bassinette and half a dozen pink onsies with "Angel" scrolled across the chest.
This weekend though there was little way to get around the IVF news what with our tiny living quarters and the fridge being the focal point of all these French stomachs, because whenever something comes out of the fridge all eyes turn toward it like it's some kind of totem god. And so I had to admit that the ziplock baggie was not full of some kind of lavish little imported snack, but was quite simply an antiovulatory cocktail that I'd soon be plunging into my flabby gut, exteriorment. After that admission it didn't even seem worth the effort to mount the dark stairs to mix the drugs in my son's cramped bedroom, so I simply laid it all out and mixed on the dining room table like I do each night while curious eyes followed my every step, darting and saying nothing. I hid in the wc for the actual injection, but when I came out I had injected badly and blood was pooling on the little cotton ball at a somewhat alarming rate so it looked as if every night must be as painful and messy as this. Mother-in-law said nothing and changed the subject to something sunny and cheery and father-in-law started another solitaire game on the computer while I cleaned up the debris of needles, syringes and bloody cotton and tucked all the products back in the fridge.
It's always hard sharing IVF with family and friends who haven't been there already, explaining the details and losing them in the jargon, conveying emotions and dodging the hurtful but apparently well-meant comments of the "I hope you don't end up with quadruplets!" genre. I've heard them all, glossed over them all and decided in the end that it's probably best not to share the news with anyone at all except a select few who have been down the road before. Sometimes though it's unavoidable and I know next week we'll get the same question "sooo...what's going on with the IVF?"
Maybe mother-in-law should just start reading my blog.
The last few times we've done ART crap Seb's parents have tended to hang on to each event like it's a really good soap opera that they're dying to see the last episode of. I know from experience that they share details about our personal lives with friends and family and I hate that our news is travelling in circles of people we will one day come across at a wedding or Christmas meal where I'll be the focus of a sympathetic aunt or the fodder for comparison between a cousin who couldn't have a baby for a whole year but finally gave birth because she just relaxed and stopped worrying. Probably the worst thing is that they tend to call a lot with the probing demand of "soooooo...what's the news?" and when the news is bad, we really don't want to share it. When the news is good we don't want to share it either because we know they'll all say "oh that's great!" and it makes me nervous to hear people becoming overly excited about what we see as a fragile success in the venture, and to be honest I feel like it jinxes the whole thing worse than if we'd gone out and bought a lace covered baby bassinette and half a dozen pink onsies with "Angel" scrolled across the chest.
This weekend though there was little way to get around the IVF news what with our tiny living quarters and the fridge being the focal point of all these French stomachs, because whenever something comes out of the fridge all eyes turn toward it like it's some kind of totem god. And so I had to admit that the ziplock baggie was not full of some kind of lavish little imported snack, but was quite simply an antiovulatory cocktail that I'd soon be plunging into my flabby gut, exteriorment. After that admission it didn't even seem worth the effort to mount the dark stairs to mix the drugs in my son's cramped bedroom, so I simply laid it all out and mixed on the dining room table like I do each night while curious eyes followed my every step, darting and saying nothing. I hid in the wc for the actual injection, but when I came out I had injected badly and blood was pooling on the little cotton ball at a somewhat alarming rate so it looked as if every night must be as painful and messy as this. Mother-in-law said nothing and changed the subject to something sunny and cheery and father-in-law started another solitaire game on the computer while I cleaned up the debris of needles, syringes and bloody cotton and tucked all the products back in the fridge.
It's always hard sharing IVF with family and friends who haven't been there already, explaining the details and losing them in the jargon, conveying emotions and dodging the hurtful but apparently well-meant comments of the "I hope you don't end up with quadruplets!" genre. I've heard them all, glossed over them all and decided in the end that it's probably best not to share the news with anyone at all except a select few who have been down the road before. Sometimes though it's unavoidable and I know next week we'll get the same question "sooo...what's going on with the IVF?"
Maybe mother-in-law should just start reading my blog.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Video diary - "A problem at the pharmacy"
Okay I know I have really bad hair here. Please don't think badly of me for it because you know this is reality here and I'm a mom to a toddler. It's the information that's key anyway.
I'll try to be more glamorous next time.
I'll try to be more glamorous next time.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Those little vials
I have accidently smashed about six of my little Décapyptyl vials by mistake when I've loaded something into the fridge. That should tell you just how long I've been waiting for the next IVF. I'm going out to get a refill today so everything will be all lined up for the next big step. Oh fun I hear you say. Yes, wading through paperwork for another IVF in France is always fun.
I'm starting the treatment in six days. I can't believe we're finally back in the game and ready to begin another one. It seems like I've been waiting months. Hey wait, uh I have been waiting months. Okay that would explain it.
Did I mention how pleased I am though? Did I also mention how scared I am? I bet I already did. Okay let me repeat it. I'm scared.
In other fun news, I hope to do a good portion of this IVF in a video blog format, yes VIDEO. I thought that it would be interesting to document an actual IVF by talking about it. It may be boring but then again you may actually get to see me throw things and cry so that would be entertaining, right? And you'll also get to see the werewolf-esque evolution of a woman all hopped-up and stressed-out on hormones. I guess this means I'll have to brush my hair before I get on the computer. Crap.
Stay tuned because I think I may just paste the first video up this week if I can wade through all the technical crap.
I'm starting the treatment in six days. I can't believe we're finally back in the game and ready to begin another one. It seems like I've been waiting months. Hey wait, uh I have been waiting months. Okay that would explain it.
Did I mention how pleased I am though? Did I also mention how scared I am? I bet I already did. Okay let me repeat it. I'm scared.
In other fun news, I hope to do a good portion of this IVF in a video blog format, yes VIDEO. I thought that it would be interesting to document an actual IVF by talking about it. It may be boring but then again you may actually get to see me throw things and cry so that would be entertaining, right? And you'll also get to see the werewolf-esque evolution of a woman all hopped-up and stressed-out on hormones. I guess this means I'll have to brush my hair before I get on the computer. Crap.
Stay tuned because I think I may just paste the first video up this week if I can wade through all the technical crap.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
