Okay now I get it.
Now I know why they say that women if given free financial reign will generally only do on average three IVF cycles. It's the feeling of doom that overtakes the entire process. It's the negativity. I'm feeling completely weighted down with cynicism.
Here I am just bumbling along. I'm doing the meds. I'm making the phone calls to my doctor. But I'm really just going through the motions. I haven't reached the breaking point yet but I'm not all that involved either.
I'm unenthusiastic. I'm very cynical. I can't help it.
I'm wondering if it's normal and okay to feel so battered. I question whether it can work, whether I can actually get pregnant without Positive!! Thinking!!
I am not feeling one ounce of Positive!! Thinking!! right now.
I don't think I can even muster an iota of Positive!! Thinking!!
Well okay about three days after the transfer I may feel somewhat hopeful and positive but right now and then the days after the three days after transfer, day four through thirteen and a half I'm a big giant Archie Bunker, grumpy, angry
PESSIMIST
Is this normal? I mean I have two five day embryos sitting in a freezer in Lyon with my name on them. Shouldn't I feel a bit more involved?
About Me
- christine
- Formation: Bachelor Degree in Humanities and World Religious – Université de Floride (1999) Associate of Arts degree – St Petersburg College de Floride (1997) Certificat TEFL (Teaching of English as a Second Language) - (2001)
7 comments:
I totally understand. My husband and I were just talking about our choices, and we decided that we'll do a few more FETs - we have 8 embryos still - but neither of us are emotionally able to do a fresh IVF cycle. Either the FETs work, or they don't. But I can't emotionally invest my whole self in this; I don't have it in me to take getting my hopes up and then the loss. Again.
And yes. We can totally get pregnant without Positive!! Thinking!! and baby dust. Whenever I think I'm not Being! Positive! I think of all those women who dread dread dread the thought of getting pregnant and still do. If they can do it without baby dust, we can do it without baby dust. So there.
I think the FET's are pretty draining emotionally. Do you ever think it might be far better to just do another IVF, possibly get pregnant first try and have it all over with and a babe in the arms? I kind of resent the FET and the energy it's taking for such beastly odds.
However as you know...IT ONLY TAKES ONE! (...said right before giving Baby Dust btw)
I can't muster the positive thinking-I force myself to imagine feeling happy and do goofy dances around for a moment or two, but then I am right back to what you describe.
It seems completely normal to me.
But I have done a total of 6 IVF's- 4 fresh and 2 FET's and have a son from the third fresh.
I do not have another fresh cycle in me I don't think.
This last FET was done with no meds since I ovulate ok-I just have genetically messed up eggs so each time I manage to get pregnant-which is hard - I have a 50%+ chance of miscarrying.
IF blows.
Best of luck to you.
I don't think that positive thinking is a requirement. In my mind, if you need to channel your inner Archie Bunker to get through this, then that is what you need.
I'll sit over here in the corner and think positive for you, OK? Hang in there.
Misschrisc - I don't have a fresh cycle in me - and I'm 38 and my frozen eggs are 34, so there is that to think about too.
Colors - do you ever do PGD? We're not allowed in Switzerland, though in theory the law is being changed.
Swissmiss you and I are the same age. Funny for some reason I thought you were in your late 20's. No offense and I have no idea why I thought that.
My compliments on your lovely, young eggs. I hope they work for you soon :)
I'm rooting for this thing to work for you in any case... I always thought that positive thinking was bad luck. At least that's how it seems to work in my situation.
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