Headache

I had such a headache last night at Bea's house I was practically blind with it. I felt awful. I think I have baby S's cold. I feel very run down. While I was there Bea's sil who shared my due date called. Bea handed me the phone to chat a few seconds with her because we often chat if she calls while I'm there. I wasn't sure if she knew I'd miscarried and so I tried not to ask too much about her pregnancy because I didn't want her to say "I'm so excited for you!!" and then she'd feel strange when I dropped the bomb. So, I just said "how are you feeling these days" and she said "fine, fine, fine." I knew then that she knew. She was very tight lipped about mentioning anything about her pregnancy. Whew, awkward moment! I'm sure it was awkward for her too and I just felt really crappy afterwards.

Words of wisdom: if you know someone who has had a miscarriage it's perfectly fine to talk about it. No one has said anything to us about the miscarriage. Seb's parents, my mom, his friend at his job (the ones with the new baby we saw like all day Saturday), Bea, her sil etc. It's amazing. Okay so if you know someone who has this happen to them here is what you do. The etiquette of a miscarriage if you will. Tell the person: "I heard that you lost the baby and I'm so sorry. If you need to talk I'm here. Please call me anytime." That's it. That's all you need to say. I can't tell you enough how important it is to mention it to the person. So many people were so animated when we told them about the pregnancy and then SO SILENT afterwards. The silence was almosy deafening. It still is. TALK PLEASE.

Otherwise Thanksgiving was great fun and Bea was in rare form. She's a party girl at heart so by the end of the evening she had all us women howling with laughter. She's also southern so when she drinks a little wine her North Carolina drawl comes back. It's very funny to watch the transformation.

I had to tell Bea we we're trying again and that there was a slim chance I could be pregnant because she kept pushing cold medicine and headache remedies on me. I felt kind of silly mentioning it to anyone normal*. It just must seem like I'm obsessed with pregnancy to outsiders. Well, I guess I am but no one is supposed to know, shhhh.

*Bea once confided in me that she'd talked with her doctor about secondary infertility because she'd had two failed cycles and felt afraid of not being able to conceive. She finally conceived on the third cycle. To her credit she was trying to make me feel like we were sisters in IF, but I just have to laugh when I think about what her doctor must have thought when she said "it's been TWO whole cycles & we can't have a baby. I'm SO worried." He probably just shook his head and thought the same thing I did when she told me this story; "Madame you have no idea."