Idiot alert

Okay wait, I just re-read my last few posts and I think I should probably stop smoking those progesterone pills and swallow them like it says on the nice pretty box.

I'm being a complete idiot. I'm really setting myself up for a burn here. I think I need to just sleeeewwrrr 'er down a notch.

It's been intervention time for a couple of days here and believe-you-me I saw it coming. Excuse me for just a moment while I share a letter sent by my alter ego, "Ernestine," who you may know as the crazy laundromat lady with combat boots, and who by the way, body builds by lifting cars in her spare time and eats onion and hot pepper chili cheese dogs slathered in salsa for breakfast. This came in the mail this afternoon, special delivery:

Dear Miss!

I gotta tell you, stop being so freakin' stupid! [bitch slap]

You're on progesterone for bejesus sakes so you'll have about a billion phantom symptoms like sore boobs, headaches, and being a bitchy wife! Stop imagining that these might be pregnancy symptoms. Puh-leeese!!!

It's only 12 days past ovulation moron. You might want to stop and remember the 15 day luteal phase you had three months ago! And what about the little 30 day cycle, huh? Did you just happen to forget about that one?

And hey, whoa...what's this 'testing on Sunday' business! "ohh mommy I'm gonna test the day after my period is due...wahhhh!" Yeah, well miss I think you better rethink that one a wee bit longer because you may be getting your period as you're doing the freakin' test.

And all this nya-nya-nya about sore belly buttons. No one on the planet has ever had this symptom except one single halfhazardly documented person and for all you know she's dead from a bleeding hernia! And I got a newsflash for you: cramps and pelvic pressure SAME THING ...on everyone else's reality show!

Get a life you little weasel before I squash your head with a rusty tractor part.
[double bitch slap]

All my best,
Ernestine

So thank you Ernestine. I needed that. You always know how to set me straight. Because if this ship sails and I'm not on it I'm going to be jumping in swimming after it, screaming and crying for them to bring back my brand new Louis Vitton luggage set. And when they don't come back I'm going to be sitting on the dock with my face buried in my hands bawling my eyes out. Yep, I'm in deep.

Crapper. damnfreakincrappitycrap.

I will stay calm from here on out. I will stay sane for sanity's sake and remind myself of the fact that as difficult as it is to admit, after this cycle I'll be taking a very long break one way or another.