I awoke this morning with cramps. They were what you might call mild, very mild in fact, almost barely not even there. Maybe even so slight that you might not even call them cramps, but more like heaviness. So there I have noted it. I have taken it down in the notepad and submitted it for consideration. The committee is adding it to their pile of information which they amass during this type of thing. You know, the little mental committee that discusses these things by conference calls thrice daily and then abruptly convenes near at the end of the two weeks for the massive summit, that massive summit where The Great IF gets decided.
Meanwhile I wait *drumming fingers*
I have polished all of my copper pots in my kitchen. Usually I just toss them in the dishwasher once a month to get them relatively splotch free, a lazy girls way of taking care of a pretty little set of pots, but yesterday I polished them with gusto using a product that's been sitting in the basement for a few years. While I was down there I grabbed our enormous box of photographs, an overwhelming visual melange of my previous life and Seb's, intertwined in a massive array of ski photos, French weddings and Florida sunsets. I decided that it was the perfect week to tackle this little organizing project seeing as these next few weeks will leave me with so much head scratching and pondering. In one of the first batch of photos were pictures of Seb's ex girlfriend, Kay and I imagined how his life may have been different, or mine had he stayed with her. Well actually I imagine she would have driven him to mental institution and I have probably singlehandedly rescued him from that judicious fate, but that maybe they would have had a few kids along the way, the easy way, and he would have found that part of life so much simpler. You can't help but wonder these things when faced with the ex-files.
Okay I'm rambling. Bear with me.
I had a really strange water dream last night, or maybe it was just what my mom calls pee dreams. I just remember wading through these murky, flood waters to get to this parking garage where I was supposed to meet the semi famous, amateur video maker Brookers. The strange part was at some point I reached under my long skirt and pulled out from between my legs a jar with two babies stuffed inside. I said to myself "damn it's probably too early to have pulled these out because they're still processing." They looked quite silent and still. I tried to put them back but I couldn't figure out how. I can remember wondering if there was a third baby in a jar up there somewhere and what state it was in. It was such a bizarre and vivid dream and I have no idea why two babies were in one jar and the other baby was presumably in another jar all alone. I also couldn't figure why they appeared to be near full term babies and not embryos. I have no insight into what it could mean but I think fertility dreams are always very telling. I welcome any armchair analysis you might want to add to it.
I'm going to get back to my photo organizing, a fun little project to do with the help of a toddler. He is ready and willing to aid in any way he can, black permanent marker poised. I'm going to let him file all the photos of "daddy and the ex." I'm sure he'll be very helpful.
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6 comments:
Well, lets see. Your having incorporated video into your blogging accounts for the RDV. The water, of course symbolizes your emotions and your desire to express them, ie. appointment with video maker. The jars are your womb, in which you have babies. Good. You are bringing them out to show them, you are expressing yourself, your emotions, your desire, as you wade through the water of your emotions. Expression is a one way act, thus your inability to put them back. You want to express your emotions but you are also becoming aware that doing so is an act that you can't undo. It's about expression of your desires. Conslusion: you want twins.
It all sounds very promising, Chris. Cramps, cleaning, vivid dreams. All good.
Oops-that was me posting anonymous. Having trouble this morning. --Em
Wow Lucy you need to do this professionally or something ;) Actually I had another weird dream last night. I think it's the progesterone that causes them. The cramps are also getting worse. Again is it progesterone? My period? Who knows!?
Maybe the jars are gestational sacs. Identical twins in the one. Premature. The singleton hanging in on his own.
I had several of these kinds of baby dreams when I was pregnant. Because of my difficulties with pregnancy, they always had ominous overtones. They were disturbing to me actually and unusually vivid. I still remember them to this day.
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