“Patience is bitter, but it's fruit is sweet.” --Jean Jacques Rousseau
I'm not very god at this waiting thing. The dreaded weekend is upon us and I am in a state of depression bordering on anxious hand wringing hope. I am still having the cramps, soreness, mood swings and vivid dream scenarios, last night's particularly disturbing because I dreamt that I was delivered The Splotch while going to pee. There it was all over my lucky IVF underwear.* Having vivid dreams made this all seem so real. I woke up severely depressed feeling like it had actually just happened. I recovered thinking "whew just a dream". I got out of bed to eat breakfast and shake it all off but the lingering feeling stayed, pulsing through my nervous system with disgusting vigor. After all the dream was so incredibly real it was difficult to shun.
I will not do an HPT. I'm not that eager to get all this over with. If you know anything about astrology I'll just say I'm a Pisces. We're the ones who like to avoid reality and live in a nice little cushy dream world of our own making. I think that about sums it up. At least without the HPT there is still hope and I can stay in my little fantasy land and imagine that it's working. If I do the test then it will be like last time. I can remember I had to sit there and reread the stupid box all weekend that says "99.9 and 9/10th's accuracy." Then when I scanned the instructions for the 1/10th percent inaccuracy, because you never know!! I read that it's only there because some people are really stupid and pee on the box or the receipt from the drugstore or some other I'm-a-nervous-wreck-teenager-and-I-think-I-hear-my-mom- coming thing. And then panic set in and I spent the entire weekend very miserable instead of wistfully hopeful. Julie Andrews turns Joan Crawford at the shake of stick if you will.
I asked the ladies on my TTC board to do a survey about getting pregnant with their IVF's since so many of them have fallen pregnant in the last year. I posed symptoms questions asking them if they kew they were pregant before the beta. They all said no. Only one person said they sort of "knew" beforehand. I felt better. I have almost forgotten what pregnant feels like but I definitley do not feel pregnant at all this time. I feel more unpregnant than ever. If anything I just feel slightly premenstral. I'm usually way more premenstral than this so even old reliable AF is off kilter. What a freaking mess this all is.
So meanwhile, anyone wanna go on the roof and pelt progesterone tablets at the neighbor's cats with me? I'm sure they'll eat them and we can see what kinds of symptoms they get. Come on it will be fun. I so need a diversion.
Okay the very least you can do is invent a diversion for me. What wacky things can I do to while the weekend away?
*Yes I actually have a set of six IVF underwear. They're practical too because the progesterone is harsh on rayon and silk undies and I take a lot of pride in my beautiful underwear collection!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Lucky undies! I thought I was the only one with those.
I hear you on the HPTs. I tortured myself with them.
Can you go away for the weekend? Go shopping? Go do something terribly expensive and distracting? I wish I could pop over and find ways to distract you.
if you're anything like me you should be googling all sorts about Mexico...what flat you'll live in, where the trendy areas are to shop..heck..start learning spanish!
-amanda from tx
Hello, there. I found your blog while searching for homemade baby food recipes. I poked around your other blogs and find once again that the Internet is such small place! I know the TTC website well, I was one of the first members when they broke off from iParenting sometime in the late 90s. I knew Momma Kath well. She is so generous and sweet and I am so sorry that she never had a child of her own. I would love to be in touch with the group that was there back then. It took me a long time to have a baby and I wasn't active there when I finally did. I also have an old house (not nearly as old as yours--only 95+ years old) but feel the pain you do with remodeling. Oh, please just let it be done!
Lovely to cross your path...
Isn't the internet an odd place! I found the TTC site about 5 years ago and it took me a whole year before I discovered that Momma Kath and the entire site is is based in my very own hometown in Florida. That was odd considering I was one of a handful of members living overseas! I wrote Momma Kath and told her and she very sweetly wrote me back gushing about it. I think she's amazing to have founded such a wonderful site. She's helped a lot of women and the site is very personal and friendly.
I'm happy that you found the baby food recipes. I will be doing lots more if this whole thing works. I have a lot of new recipes and tips thanks to a French friend I've met here who is a baby food making guru!
I'm thinking of you, Chris.
Post a Comment