Optimistic response...yay I suppose

I finally got through today, whew! Only three thousand phone calls. Maybe she was on vacation, or possibly on strike. It's usually one or the other here in France. Who the hell knows or cares. The most important thing is that Nurse Dieu finally picked up her #@[!|* phone and she was actually very nice. I told her my long, sad story and she made some notes. And, well she seemed to think that I could start treatment on my very next cycle! The holiday cycle! I explained that I was going to be getting my next period on Christmas Eve and wouldn't that be a problem because they're closed for two weeks? I can never remember the word for day before Christmas in french, 'reveillon' so I stumbled around and said "uh...uh...the day before Christmas" which sounded kind of retarded when translated...like I didn't know what time of the year it was, let alone my cycle own day. But, she didn't think that would be a problem at all. You see they're closed for procedures for the holiday period but my actual retreival wouldn't be until mid January. I'd just be doing injections over the holidays. Lovely imagery...injections over the holidays...Anyway, she is supposed to check with Dr. Dieu and get back with me today.

I suddenly had terribly mixed feeling about ttc this cycle. What if I get yet another bum pregnancy? But isn't that awful to wish I wouldn't get pregnant this cycle? I was feeling so optimistic too. I suppose I have no choice at this point than to give this cycle everything I can. Sort of close my eyes and and jump off the cliff of hope, hold your nose point your toes. If I didn't I'd feel like an idiot, especially if there's a snafu in the IVF cycle, like overstimming or not enough follicules or something. It's not like that never happens. Then I'd be even more depressed because I stopped a perfectly good natural cycle for a crappy IVF. Because as you are well aware our store's my personal motto is: :points to sign: "We Will Not Let Any Cycle Be Wasted!" (...or your money back)

My little psychosis. Ain't it cute? I may end up with about 5 kids by the time I'm 45. Everyone will whisper, "Hey you know she thought she was infertile! She actually used to have a blog about it." But wouldn't that be poetic justice. And I've always wanted to name my imaginary stairstep children with matching first letters; Selina, Shelby, Sherbert, Shreve, and Sheldon; and make elaborate, little, matching holiday outfits for them in blue crushed velvet, ohhh, just the name alone makes me shiver...

Back down Mrs. Duggar, you don't have the corner on the baby making market just yet. And I might just be craftier than you with a Singer!*


*Why on earth does she make those pinafore collars so huge?