The call at 16dpo

There's nothing worse than this. You have to go to a blood lab to get a beta test to confirm what you already know. Your period has started. Your latest ART effort has failed and you really don't want to wait the extra two days for the real beta test day to come around. The quicker to the chase the better. Oh and besides all that the RE's secretary won't give you a next appointment until you've had the putain beta.

And strangely enough you question whether the splotch on the toilet paper wasn't orange tempura paint from your son's craft session earlier that day. It was all over your hands. You look down at your orange finger nails. It was dried but it could have soaked through when you wiped. Wait was that orange or pink? You go again just to be sure. Pink, yes definitely pink. In fact nearly red.

The lab is empty because it's a random hour of the day, four o'clock. The usual crew is there. The glasses guy does the blood draw. The one who loathes toddlers. "Hi glasses guy. It's me Miss Hopeless. Pull up a chair. I'm an easy one. No cringing and I even like to look when you put the needle in. I'm such a regular." And as you leave the lab glasses guy says in a monotone voice "you can get the results in a few hours because we aren't so busy" And you are tempted to say, "like I care..."

And so two hours later you make the dreaded call.

The lab secretary fumbles around. "Okay, okay...all good" And you sit there on the other end of the line. You're still waiting. What is she doing? And she sounds like she's tapping on a keyboard all the while.

-"Madame?" Uh I said all is good. Did you hear me?"

-"What?!"

-"It's all good. It's positive."

-"But it's not possible! What's the level?"

-"It's 197"

-"It's impossible...really you have to be kidding"

-"No not kidding. You're pregnant."

And so yes there is something worse. It's the wait in between betas while you're bleeding. And it's scarier than running a butcher's shop in a lion's den. It's scarier than hell realizing that you actually have to step up and react and lay all those emotions out on the table. The damn sheild is crumbling. The freaking hope shield.

Okay maybe it can stay up for a few days but who's kidding who here? That sucker will be at ground zero in two days.

Holy hell!

*my computer has been out for two weeks because of the work in the house and I've been going mad without the ability to Google!